Have you reached a verdict?

I recently spent a month on jury duty. Unbelievably, at the age of fifty two, I participated in my first "tour of duty." My tentative jury schedule listed ten days when I had to call an automated line to verify whether I needed to report in for jury selection. Each time I called in, I held my breath hoping for a cancellation. Four times I was directed to report to the courthouse the following day. Two of those four days, my juror number was called and I was seated on a jury.

I must admit that while I started the month dreading the hassle of a month in limbo, I truly enjoyed learning the details of our judicial process. I also realize how blessed I am to be isolated from the grit and grime of the world around me. My fellow jurors and I heard cases of sexual abuse, armed robbery, unlawful imprisonment and murder. We heard awful details and saw gruesome pictures of evil crimes that abound in our society today.

A favorite question lawyers liked to ask prospective jurors was, "Can you stand in judgment of someone?" In other words, "Can you find someone guilty?" Most jurors, without hesitation, said, "Yes." I jumped right in on the bandwagon. No problem, I thought. There are some days when I feel like I'm the most judgmental person on the planet. So it stands to reason that I should have no problem finding a defendant guilty. Wrong. Wrong. Oh so wrong. During both my cases, I wanted so badly to believe the defendants were innocent. I didn't want to believe the horrible evidence presented. I didn't want to believe these defendants could be so, well, evil.

Prior to jury deliberations, the judge gave us a list of instructions. In fact, every jury is instructed that in reaching a verdict, the penalty of that verdict may not be considered. For instance, if we as a jury deliberated over a verdict of murder in the first degree, then as jurors, we could not consider the fact that the defendant would receive a sentence of life in prison. The jury can only consider the facts presented and testimony heard. The judge reminded us that he, and he alone as judge, imposes the penalty.

In the end, I knew the truth. I knew the truth beyond a reasonable doubt. In fact, beyond any doubt at all. In both trials, the defendants were guilty. Guilty.

And so it is with me. That is what I am. Guilty. Each and every day. Guilty of lying. Guilty of harboring nasty thoughts about others. Guilty of manipulating people for my gain. Sometimes I do these things without a second thought. Sometimes I do these things in spite of my thoughts. I am guilty, and God is my judge.

Thankfully, because I know Jesus as my Savior, I can and do ask for forgiveness. I realize the error of my ways. I repent. Then I continue on with baby steps in this life quest. My goal: changing my thoughts and actions completely.

There's a great word in Christianity. The word is justification. It's a big word. Somewhere back in my Sunday School days, I was taught the simplicity of it as, "just as if." Because Jesus died for me, my sins are wiped away "just as if" they had never happened. My slate wiped clean. Erased. New.

Romans 5:1-2 says it this way:

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Lucky for me, I don't receive a penalty for my sins from a jury of my peers. My God, full of mercy and grace, finds me, "NOT GUILTY."